How do you handle anger? It would probably depend on the situation and whom it is making you angry. Well, there are different degrees of anger, some even justified and normal, but there are also degrees of anger that are just not worth your emotion or that could help your situation.

The degrees of anger would be, irritation, frustration, offensive, and hostile anger. The different situations for anger, for instance, would be work anger (anger on the job at coworkers or bosses), family anger (at a spouse or children), and there is public anger (anger at society and people in general).

Either of the degrees of anger fit either situation, for instance, your coworkers could irritate you to the point of anger or your spouse could frustrate you or society at large could piss you to the point of hostile anger, or any of the above vise-versa. Always direct your anger at the evoking party, not at an innocent one.

Then there are the reactions to the degrees of anger. You could suppress your anger, express your anger, openly display it by throwing stuff or you could take your anger out on someone or something unrelated. Whatever the case and however you handle your anger, remember these points:

1. Anger impedes our ability to be happy, because anger and happiness are incompatible.
2. Anger sends marriages and other family relationships off-course.
3. Anger means lost money and business, because it destroys relationships.
4. Anger leads to increased stress (ironic, since stress often increases anger).

Things to do when angry:

1. Place you anger in one of the degrees of anger. Is it irritation, frustration, offensive, or hostile anger.
2. Who are you really angry at? (Some people will find that they are sometimes angry only with themselves).
3. How should you react and can your reaction cause considerable harm to others or to yourself and future.
4. Should the situation be pursued or ignored?
5. Ask yourself this question: "Will the object of my anger matter ten years from now?" Chances are, you will see things from a calmer perspective.
6. Ask yourself: "What is the worst consequence of the object of my anger?" If someone cut in front of you at the bookstore checkout, you will probably find that three minutes is not such a big deal.
7. Imagine yourself doing the same thing. Admit that you sometimes cut in front of another driver, too ... sometimes by accident. Do you get angry with yourself?
8. Ask yourself this question: "Did that person do this to me on purpose?" In many cases, you will see that they were just careless or in a rush, and really did not mean you any harm.

One thing that is not actually recommend is "venting" your anger. Sure, a couple of swift blows to your pillow might make you feel better (better, at least, than the same blows to the door!), but research shows that "venting" anger only increases it. In fact, speaking or acting with any emotion simply rehearses, practices and builds that emotion.

Things not to do when angry

1. Drink
2. Cheat
3. Fight
4. Curse
5. Get high
6. Eat
7. Argue
8. Lie

Each of the above reactions intensifies anger and leads the situation down unrecoverable roads, burning bridges and losing direction and focus. Talk to someone and try not to bottle up anger for too long. What could have started as simple irritation could escalate to hostile anger?

Leave the house and go somewhere you enjoy like a bookstore, the gym, or to a relative. Tell your supervisor you need to take a 15-minute break, especially if they are the problem.

The most important thing to remember when angry is to talk with the person who invoked the anger. A lack of communication is the number one reason people fall out in anger when it could be a simple misunderstanding.

Venting is good when it seeks to achieve a positive solution, not a negative one. There is no reason to talk to someone if you only plan on blowing his or her brains out the next day. The idea is to resolve the situation.

To live a life of contentment, the secret is to minimize anger. It can be done. A person could live the majority of his or her days without anger if they realize that anger is an emotional spirit that thrives on misery. If things get too bad, you can always dispose of your source of anger. Quit the job, leave the spouse, or do something about it.

© 2003 by AfroStaff