What you need to know to help safeguard your child

• Child molesters - who they are.
• The identifying characteristics of the child molester.
• The kinds of traps he sets for your children - and where he sets them.
• Instructing your children what to watch for, and how to act if he or she is approached.
• Critical safety tips for parents.
• What to do if your child is molested.
• How to choose a Day Care Center.
• Indicators of sexual abuse.

When faced with a medical epidemic in this country the Centers for Disease Control will take immediate steps to educate the public against the spread of the disease. An epidemic of child molestation is spreading across America yet few people are aware that 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys will be molested before age 18.

And molestation is never a one-time incident for the victim. Children do not get over molestation as they do a virus. We are a country populated by millions of adult victims who continue to bear the emotional scars of childhood sexual abuse, and the casualties of this generation of children increases daily.

We would do well to draw upon the wisdom of the English statesman, Disraeli, who once told Queen Victoria, "The one with the most knowledge has the greatest advantage." There is no better place to apply this logic than in the protection of our children - no better place to begin than correct the myths which contribute to our false sense of security until someone we love is affected.

• Molestation occurs in all income and racial groups, from infancy through adulthood.
• The majority of molesters are known by their victims.
• You may never know that your child is a victim.
• Children are not likely to lie about sexual abuse.
• Children do not outgrow the traumatic effects of molestation.

The 1992 rape survey conducted by the National Victim Center reported that 29% of all rapes occurred when the victim was less than eleven years old, another 32% occurred between the ages of 11 and 17.

CHILD MOLESTERS - WHO ARE THEY?
It is not enough to warn a child to stay away from strangers. The majority of children are molested by those they know and trust - but may not be known by other family members. We also have a lesser known but growing category of molesters: children who perpetrate sexual crimes upon children younger than themselves.

• The U.S. Department of Justice reported four million child molesters reside in this country. [2]
• Almost half of all sex offenders are under 18. [3]
• Ten years ago we had twenty-two rehabilitation programs for juvenile sex offenders - we now have 755. [4]
• New York rape arrests of thirteen year old males increased 200% between 1986 and 1988. [5]
• 57% of child molesters were molested themselves as children. [6]
• A typical molester will abuse between 30 to 60 children before they are arrested - as many as 380 during their lifetime. [7]

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CHARACTERISTICS OF MOLESTERS

• Can have adult sex partners, but children are primary sex object.
• Have lifestyles which give them easy access to children.
• Target specific gender, age, hair and eye color.
• Use threats to manipulate and control victims - or bribe them with gifts, love or promises to lure victims into their confidence before victimization takes place.
• May commit first offense when in teens.
• Continue behavior even after conviction and treatment.
• Are mostly males, but females also molest.
• May video or photograph sexual activity with children to exchange with other molesters and/or shame child into not telling anyone of the abuse.
• Some molesters network with pornographers and their pictures are used for commercial child pornography. Pictures are also traded with others interested in sex with children and become part of the cottage child pornography industry.

ATTITUDE OF MOLESTERS

• Have no trouble legitimizing their actions, but may demonstrate remorse if arrested although they actually see nothing wrong with what they have done.
• Have no thought for the emotional/physical impact on a child.
• Blame the child for wearing inappropriate clothes, acting in a certain way, or say that because the child did not resist they consented.

All forms of pornography (magazines, videos, comic books, trading cards and computer porn) are widely used to condition the victim and legitimize the sexual behavior.

An abductor preys upon children who:

• take shortcuts to school
• look depressed
• are loners
• appear unkempt, neglected or unsupervised
• frequent video arcades

The most often used traps include asking for help in finding a lost puppy, carrying books and groceries, or asking for directions. Young children are lured by money, toys, candy, or promises of puppies and kittens, older children by money, drugs, alcohol and promises of movie careers.

Molesters take advantage of the fact that children are taught to look up to authority figures and respect and obey adults. A child is not prepared when a relative, neighbor or other acquaintance makes sexual advances. The best way to deal with the problem is before it occurs.

We can alert our children to danger without frightening them. Explain that most adults are dedicated to their protection and welfare, but there are some people who are not. Telling a child to look both ways when crossing the street does not create a fear of cars - it prevents serious injury. As parents we are obligated to give our children survival skills in all areas of life.

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INSTRUCT YOUR CHILDREN TO:
1. Always check with parents or person in charge before going anywhere, even with someone they know, to state where they are going, who is going with them, and exactly when they will return.
2. Always check with parents before accepting any type of a gift: money, candy, toys.
3. Use the buddy system when they are going places or playing outside. Stress safety in numbers.
4. Say no to anyone who tries to touch them any place a bathing suit would cover - get away from that person - and tell you if anyone violates this rule. Be sure they understand that no one should expose or touch their private parts, ask them to do the same, or force them to handle body wastes.
5. Report any incidents of anyone asking to take their pictures.
6. Never open the door when they are home alone. Make sure they have a neighbor's phone number in case someone tries to get inside the house.

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EXPLAIN THE FOLLOWING SAFETY MEASURES
1. When separated from parents in a public place a child should find a cashier, security guard or manager and ask for help in finding their parents.
2. No matter what anyone tells them, children do not have to keep secrets if anyone touches them in a way that is not okay, or if anyone makes them feel uncomfortable by what they say or do. People who want children to keep secrets from their parents are not safe to be with.
3. Explain that adults should ask other adults for help - not children - and if asked by someone in a car for directions they should keep walking and never approach the car. If the driver gets out of the car they should be prepared to scream and run.
4. Show your children how to call 911 and make periodic checks to see if they remember their address and telephone number.
5. If approached by a policeman, children have the right to call the Police Department to verify that person's credentials, and any legitimate officer will honor this request.
6. Instruct your children to tell you if they see anything that frightens or disturbs them. Younger children are often introduced to pornographic material by older children and later act it out on children younger than themselves.

A January, 1986 poll of Women's Day readers indicated that nearly one-half said they felt their children had been harmed by exposure to pornography.

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SAFETY TIPS FOR PARENTS
1. Network with your child's friends and their parents to safeguard all children in your community.
2. Insist that all slumber parties be well chaperoned.
3. Never leave children unattended, especially in a car.
4. Notice when a stranger pays attention to your child and find out why. Question the motives of adults or older children who want to spend time alone with your children.
5. Do not let your child spend time in an unsupervised home, and know who their friends are.
6. If your child prefers to spend a lot of time at a neighbor's home, find out why.
7. Play "what if" games: "what if a stranger offers you a ride home or asks you to help find a lost puppy?" A Portland, Oregon news reporter tested children in a park by asking to help him find his lost puppy. Had he been a child molester, he could have abducted over 80% of the children because that many were willing to go with him.
8. Screen baby-sitters and other care givers carefully - both male and female.
9. Be alert to unexplained toys or money. Find out who gave them to your child and why. Develop and maintain open communication with your children so you can talk about any subject comfortably.

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WHAT TO DO IF YOUR CHILD IS MOLESTED
1. You do not want to further alarm the child. Stay calm. Your reaction and attitude will play a key role in your child's healing.
2. Call the police or sheriff's office immediately. The one who molested your child has probably molested before and will molest again.
3. Never confront the molester yourself.
4. Respect the child's privacy. Find a private place and listen to their story. Encourage your child to talk about what happened. Record name, dates, times, and locations so you don't have to rely on your memory when passing on information to the authorities. This will spare excessive questioning which can make a child feel that the adult does not believe him or her.
5. Share the information only with those who need to hear about it. Sexually exploited children are extremely vulnerable to comments from relatives and friends.
6. If some time has lapsed since the abuse, don't ask "why didn't you tell me before?" Molesters are experts at manipulation. Children are often threatened not to tell anyone and need assurance. Affirm that you are going to protect them.
7. This is not the time to scold, no matter how often the child has been warned about strangers or told not to go anywhere without permission. Never express anger or punish a child - even if they have disobeyed your orders by being at a location they have been warned about.
8. Continue to affirm the child and explain that they have done nothing wrong. Children easily assume the guilt and responsibility for what happened. They can be easily enticed or tricked and later blame themselves because they feel they should have been stronger or smarter.
9. Get immediate medical attention. Sexual abuse must be documented if charges are to be pressed. Sexually exploited children often have physical injuries, and more children are getting sexually transmitted diseases today than were affected by the polio epidemic of the late 40's and early 50's.
10. Get counseling/therapy for the child. Children are not emotionally equipped to deal with the trauma of sexual abuse. Get the best professional help available. Look for a professional who is experienced in cases of molestation. Don't try to handle your feelings alone. All family members need attention when one member is victimized.
11. Do not vent your anger or other feelings in front of your child who may feel at fault for upsetting you and regret reporting the abuse.
12. Children seldom lie about acts of sexual exploitation because of the shame and guilt associated with it. Take what they say seriously.
13. Don't be surprised - or upset - if your child reports to someone outside the family. Children become very concerned about a parent's reaction.
14. Keep the lines of communication open. Never forget that the child is a victim - the molester is a criminal.

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Posted 2004 by AfroStaff