After the "falsified" interview with Serena Williams, many feel outraged by the type of comments made in this short moment in time. However, it leads the African American population to the following question, "Where are Successful African Americans as far as relationships?"

To be honest, this topic needs to approach from many angles. First, let's define the word "Successful." In the case of the interview, it is if it would be a person who is well to do, stable in a career or a field, and is well recognized for his or her accomplishments. However, this definition leaves a lot to inference such as what is meant by being well recognized, is being stable the same as being at the top of the world, etc.

Based on the comments on the state of black men and success in the interview, an unrealistic societal definition was made and used to define success. According from the inference made for this interview as African American, if you are not a million pro athletes or some rich heir, you are not worth the time and effort of some successful African American women. The media spin of success focuses too much on the material wealth of a person and not on the stability and longevity of a person's livelihood due their occupation.

This to me was the first insulting thing that I found in this interview. I took offense to the lack of acknowledgment for things such as education, background, and up bringing as a measure of success versus a person's net-worth. If this is the case for all scenarios in life, then only the rich should be allowed to be married. I find it offensive to the highest degree that money is being used as a deterrent to keep from relationships than compatibility and love issues.

However, we do live in a society that put too much attention in the "bling bling" instead of making something last a lifetime. Also in many cases, the African American population put too much stock in finding that special someone who take care of all of the immediate financial, sexual, and material needs instead of being with someone who is stable and can provide for things over a lifetime.

The last statement brings me to my second point, which is that African Americans tend to search for the wrong things in a significant other. This attitude, which was taken in this interview, clearly points out this fact. Many successful African American women will have a hard time finding a man under this attitude. There are too many society inequities again the Black population as a whole that we tend to lose sight of this when people use wealth as a part of their criteria for a potential mate.

I am not saying that a nice job or a good career should be a part of your individual criteria. However, I am saying to be realistic with it. The comments about Oprah are unwarranted because many black males do not come close to earning as much as her and too much emphasis on her wealth becomes exaggerated as a deterrent for her not to be happily married. Anyone with her intelligence would know this and would properly exclude those African American men who are not employed. However, there are still millions of us men who are stable in their career field, which could be a great candidate for a relationship. Yes, I said could be, since I feel that marriage should be based on a strong relationship and friendship versus anything else.

This is where much of our race fails. We enter too many relationships based on immediate material and emotional wants. These wants cloud our judgment to keep us from looking at what we need in a strong relationship. I have seen and have been in unproductive relationships due to this matter.

As a nation as a whole, we have not been very attentive to the treatment of the other sex in general. This based on the majority of our race was brought up in single parent homes. However, many of us have been using this as crutch in many matters and aspects of our lives. Even though we are missing the example of a loving couple that is active in our childhood, it does not excuse us from treating our potential mate in a poor way.

For example, many black women put too much stock in "stereotypical" black men. Many women feel that a man should be physically strong, outward handsome, and erotically sex by many societal and media definitions. However, these definitions take away from the true definition of strength, the true meaning of love, and the true meaning of beauty. Some of this lack of knowledge stems from the fact that the average black female child doesn't have her father in their life who would show an active example of what love, beauty, and strength is in a man.

This void of knowledge sends the majority of them to definitions that they form based on what they desire more so than what is required. By relying on what they desire, many women tend to pick the wrong men instead of seeing the bigger picture of whom they attracted. About 90% of the time, African American women wonder why and how they attract whom they did after their eyes were open to the truth.

This does not mean that the African American men are not God sends either. However, their problem is different from most. Yes, they are caught by "superficialness" that our beloved sisters content with. But there is more than just this. Black men honestly at times don't know how to be "men." Now, brothers, I am not saying this to be funny. I am saying this as the truth due to the pressures that we face in trying to be responsible for our actions.

This is the knowledge gap that we lack from our fathers. Those who aren't there with their father while growing up never had an active example of how to take care of a family, or being responsible for those that he loves, nor being appreciated for trying to provide the best. Face it; many black males who do have those traits learn them more from the mothers than their fathers.

That gap and poor examples in the home setting just about single handed cause some of us men to be bitter and lash out against the world including our black women. However, this should never be a crutch to live on since it has destroyed too many of us as a whole. Many of us have to learn how to deal with it, suck it up, and gain the inner strength to cope with societal pressures.

For example, acceptance in the workplace is the common problem for many of our brethren at large. Many corporations are not willing to accept Black men as a whole for reasons of culture bias and stereotypical reason. And in some cases, many corporations still exhibit the old slave labor mentality when it comes to hiring qualified African American men.

The number of African American men who has a Master's Degree or better shows this. Their difficulty to find a job in their field proves the mentality of corporate America. However, corporate America then makes it harder by hiring qualified African American women, which creates an unfair competition for both genders. Not only does it create competition, it creates hostility like the one we have seen in the "fake" interview. It degrades and devalues our males while at the same time causing a gap in equality in relationships for our women.

With that said, this brings me to another point. What happens if you do become successful and harbor hostile feeling toward our race? After enduring most of these conditions to make it, many of our race never truly heal from the pain from the path that we travel. In most cases, sentiments of exclusively dating outside of our race come up.

Many who do become very successful leave the own behind to embark on relationships with other race that they feel are more suited for their success. However, this shows their sad state of mind, their broken heartedness, and disappointments in prior relations. Those who date outside the race exclusively are generally masking the hurt from past relationships, which they have not gotten over, using a harmful general stereotype to justify their actions, and not looking at themselves and what they want in a relationship. Their skewed view of the world causes a lot of damage not only to them but to others as well.

Please do not believe for a moment that I am not against dating other races. I am not like that at all and I have dated outside of my race. But, I do not put one race above another in my choice for relationships. However, what I am pointing out is that there is a clearly different mentality to those who date specifically outside of their race.

This mentality causes a lot of strife for many reasons that fall victim to it. Those victims question these individual in self-reflecting questions such as "What is wrong with our race where you feel that a potential mate can't handle the cultural climate?" "What happened in your life that made you think the other race is better suited that ours?" "Who in our race have you been dating or in a relationship with that would make you condemn it?", and "What part of your self esteem has been hurt where you can't find someone of like qualities in our race?".

The lack of answers to the questions from individuals like this causes the outrage among both gender of our race. It helps build and extends the harmful stereotype that we as a nation try to disprove every day. It furthers sets a poor example for the young African Americans in our society by showing them a skew view of our world but of our race as well. It builds on the lack of self-esteem and self-identification that has plagues our race over the past couple of decades. This mentality needs to stop if we are truly going to move forward as a race.

With all of this said, I hope that you found some of what I wrote quite informative. Mind you, that this is only my opinion and view of this situation. Feel free to agree or disagree as you wish. I wrote this piece to express my outrage at the "false" interview and the "unclear" comments of in rebuts of the accusations in the interview. In my heart of hearts, I am happy that the interview is bogus.

However, I am disappointed at Serena's response to these claims. It was as if she didn't care at all nor felt the damage of the words. In her letter to her fans, she took a "who cares" attitude about the interview. In a way, her actions kind of make it believable that she truly thinks that way but never would come forth to say it. If it was me, I would be disputing this accusation to the best of my ability and setting things straight with those who matter most (i.e. my family, friends, my fans, etc.) But that's how I am, and I don't expect others to be that way.

© 2004 by Afro Staff