Within us, we possess a protective mechanism known as wisdom that's supposed to guide us to do the right thing for ourselves and towards others. In the human world, when we fall short they say it was wrong what we did, but in the spiritual realm, it's known as sin. But sinning seems to be less realistic, first because many doubt there's such a thing and secondly, seeing everyone else doing things and getting away with it, sin may not be that serious.

But even if I never believed in God, I would soon realize it's impossible to do anything without some consequence. Things built into our [subconscious box] records us whenever we step out of character. I'll say this box is similar to what gather's information in airplanes and stores away information about whom we are and what we've done during our lives.

However, it also reveals the things we sometimes forget we've done. Sometimes, for no designated reason, it's activated in our [little box] as we go through midlife, if we're lucky, pleading to those we've offended to forgive us, or for anybody to care about us, although we failed to give the same. Unfortunately, the more we plead the more the little red light on the box flickers, to remind us there's more we forgot.

To say I've never stepped out of character would reveal one of the first things people do. They often claim they're nothing like most other people, so they can be trusted. But I realize those who express this, usually with a zest of false seriousness, will usually do most anything to get over. But I've learned to be afraid, because the effort it takes to deceive is usually greater than what you'll get in return.

I also understand, regardless if there is no supernatural being, to judge what I've done. Regardless if it's good or bad, it will always come back to repay me. What I believe has encouraged most character failings is that few people are satisfied with themselves, so they look for others, to complete that part of them.

So from this point, try honestly to see where you may fit in, in a country where the fight about church and state matters get more attention then anything else. This has caused some people to believe they are the sole rulers of their lives and control their destiny. If that were so, then dying wouldn't be the way they chose to leave this earth. Nevertheless, to not create an argument about there being a God or not.

I'll ask, what should be the single most important thing in a person's life, even if they had that kind of power. Without expecting someone to give some unrealistic, off the wall answer, I would think food and shelter. But the truth is, it's to feel good, followed by getting over.

Few people want to deal with any kind of down time, even if it means finding someone to pass it to. Getting up in the morning, for those who have to, the first thing they think of is to find some way to end their daily routine and party forever. But they must first find someone who's responsible. That idea should bring a chuckle. Although the so-called experts in this field say they have the answer to man's relationship problems, the weakness of their conclusions is most, if not all, have or will go through the same. It's like a Zebra telling another Zebra how to avoid being eating by a Lion.

Anyway, they say we must first learn to see the person inside before opening ourselves up to them. However, a person's interest in someone often occurs when they see the person, not after they sit and talk with them. Because talking, for those who's looking for something other than marriage, is often boring. And if the first move don't lead to where they're hoping to get, they move on to someone else.

Many deny that sex is the motivator, but it's okay if you've got the right equipment. But biblical law says sex is destructive beyond it's purpose. And seeing the many disastrous situations that have derived from its interplay amongst people, I would have to believe the latter. Although this society allegedly detest anything that's relative to sex.

Television, magazines, and other media, advertise sex or good looks as the only way we can be worth anything or appreciated. If it's not some blond telling us how her sexy hair is so appealing, or showing us her how she got rid of her pubic hair line to wear her bikini, it's some guy with a 5 o'clock shadow, with his chest out, being labeled a sex symbol.

But without their constant pounding in people heads about looks and sexuality, none of the methods they constantly use to influence us would affect us. Because we're bombarded with it daily, we are unaware that it helps us to desire things most of the time we won't get. Adultery is morally wrong and it's often damaging to the lives of individuals, because some believe they should have the best of everything, although they made no effort to get it.

That's why cheating fails, because it takes no effort. All you have to do is make yourself available. But for some, there is usually an underline reasons. Of course, there are those who are doing it just because they can, but most go outside their relationship to find partners they feel they missed getting from the beginning. But no longer is this something that could be tagged to men only.

Today, women are only a percentage behind men. And a percentage of these women are often aggressive, controlling and sometimes vindictive. Many of them are women who returned to the work place, hoping to pick up where they left off. Maybe after dealing with long enduring domestic responsibilities that prevented them from pursuing dreams.

So the men they will often desire has to be more than physical, they have to have the means and social network to keep her interest. Although it ends up to be nothing more than sleeping around.

The finer things she acquires during her affair gives her a reason to compare what she has to what she feels she deserves, which lessens the guilt. On the other hand, most men, especially black men, are less concerned about a woman's social standings. They're more interested in her physical eroticism.

In many situations, these men will get involved with women with children, even though they have children of their own at home. It may be easier to choose women in these kinds of circumstances because many are needy of some financial help. Because sex becomes a way of gratitude, most of these women don't realize they're being used like prostitutes.

But what can happen because of this duo is that their children can suffer. His children, her children and the one or more they may end up having together if they're not careful. Women on the higher end of this behavior often expect more than they give. Many are so-called high maintenance and are capable of being vindictive, whereas some nearly end up committing a capital crime.

Recently, in the state of Georgia, there was such a case. A married woman was indicted for allegedly beating her wealthy lover to death with a wrench out of jealousy. Although during their relationship, she was being provided for, monetarily, her dark side was revealed after she discovered he was involved with other women also. Even more recently, in Rome Georgia, a cheating couple was arrested for the murder of the woman's husband.

It may seem strange these things are happening in Georgia, but the strangest thing about this tragedy is the man who was indicted with the woman, was an assistant pastor of a church. By his religious convictions, he's supposed to be an example for others. So, the danger of someone cheating is that those who do it are less concerned about the character of the other person and what motivated them to do it. Maybe it's because both will lie about the reasons.

In many cases, women get involved with men who suddenly start to abuse them, not aware they could be killed. Unfortunately out of need, this may be downplayed not realizing it wasn't coincidental they were doing the same in other relationships. Just as serious and often fatal, is that there is no way to know how many people they're sleeping with, while you're sleeping with them.

The danger here is the more two people are together, the less they feel they should use something to protect themselves. Will what I say here really make a difference, of course not. Most people expect their animals to be more responsible than they usually are themselves. People will only change when there's fear, or no other alternative but to change.

Now that the playing field for men and women are becoming more equal in many ways, the problems stemming from this dilemma could affect us more in the end, than our constant worry lately about terrorism. Because it destroys lives, families, etc, to a more permanent extent without the obviousness of it happening.

© 2004 By Thomas Duffy
Afromerica staff writer - View Duffy's Column