Once he told me he loved me in megaphone tone
Stereo surround sound
With the hydraulic thumps and the bumps
That gave the illusion that someone
Was occupying my heart slash this residence
But it was apparent that my presence
Was worth less than the diamond
Hard grudge that i now carry
Over the armor i just put back on...

I ask myself
Do i scream do i yell do i shout like a banshee
Swing my head like the neighborhood chicks
Or do i just open my mouth loud enough
Like a tornado siren
With a clear warning for the next woman
That this quiet storm was about to blow in and
Possibly destroy her then leave her alone?
I roam around in the darkness of my home and
Try to close my ears
To the dark silence that i hear
That mocks me and laughs
Because it had warned me with friends and hoes and those that became foes
That though he was on his knees with righteousness
And he spoke in the temple in tongues with the heart of a solider
He was gonna go AWOL
And abandon the temporary shelter he made with my feelings...

Brother
I thought you were searching for me
Between my lower-cased i's and long talks about Nietzsche
I thought i heard you whisper your affections in Spanish to lull me to sleep
And i could have sworn that it was you with the look of love in your eyes
Crooning a tune as if you had never sung with so much revelry
But terribly it was just another moment for you to freeze in time
Between apple flavored jolly rancher orgasms and Polaroid pictures-
Your souvenirs of the great ride you took for your own amusement-

Tell me
Was it fun?
Did i thrill you?
Did i move you?
Is that why you kept running back
Again
And again
And again
Until a new thrill ride came along
Or someone brought back an old favorite?
Was it motion sickness that made you stop?
Or was i so much of a kiddie ride
That you didn't want anyone else to see?
All i ever wanted was for the shame to be lifted
And my hand to be held in public with no hesitation-
I wanted public kisses and introductions
And barefoot moonlit slow dances to Marvin and Tammy
Because i thought you were all i needed to get by
I thought my love was stronger than pride
I thought-
Wrong...
And if i could for a moment reach inside myself
And rid myself from the hurt
Take away the noise that keeps ringing in my ears
And the hurt feelings that have beaten me down for the last time...
I would reach inside and take away what pained me most
And tell you in my murmured whisper:

"Here.
Take back your rib."

© 2005 by Aisha Raison