There are two undeniable truths about teens:

1. They are not children - And trying to treat them like the children they were a few years ago will only turn your home into a battlefield.

2. They are not adults - And trying to treat them like the adults you hope they'll be in a few years will lead to disaster.

My husband and I are the parents of a teenager. Our advice comes from experience, both from parenting our son, as well as remembering how it was to be a teenager ourselves. We were raised by parents with very different philosophies, and from those experiences have been able to develop our own "middle ground" parenting strategies.

Teenagers need to explore, grow and learn on their own. It's important to let them express themselves, while still maintaining boundaries for acceptable behavior. As much as they push those boundaries, they do feel secure knowing that the boundaries exist.

Discipline is important, as is punishment when the boundaries are crossed. The key is, and this is the most crucial rule of parenting, to be consistent. Your teenager needs to know that if he breaks rule A, the consequences will be B.

Our house rules are really pretty simple. Keep your grades up, do your chores, respect the other members of the household. As long as these rules are followed, our son knows that we'll allow him more leeway in his activities.

He also knows that if he "messes up", the consequences are swift and nonnegotiable. I clearly remember the first time I grounded my son from his electronics for lying. There was no need to yell, I simple walked into his room, removed the power cords and games, and that was that. I wrote the date on the calendar, and he had no choice but to wait patiently until his punishment was over.

A Crazy World

The world has changed since we were kids. The world our teenagers live in is full of profanity. Movies, music and video games rule. By the time your child is a teenager, he's already heard and seen much more than you did at his age.

Consider sharing some of this with your teen when possible. As an example, we recently rented an R rated movie (Black Hawk Down), which contained a lot of profanity and violence. Based on actual events, and depicted war in all its horror. My son's first, and natural, reaction was to think all the blood and gore was really "cool". So we paused the movie, made another bag of popcorn, and spent a few minutes explaining the horrors of war in terms he could understand.

We talked about his older cousins and friends, and how they might be affected if they were in this battle. We asked him how he would feel if the actions he'd seen on the screen had happened to someone he cared about. Our strategy worked, by the end of the movie our son had learned an important lesson, and actually initiated additional discussions on the subject. Instead of being disgusted by his initial comments and attitude, we stayed calm, and turned the situation into a learning opportunity. No lectures, just honest, thoughtful discussion.

It's impossible to completely shelter your child from the world, and if you do, he won't be equipped to survive. So, instead of insisting that he live in your "world", try spending a little bit of time in his. I find that when I spend time reading the words of the music he listens to, watch him play video games, and read what interests him; I am more understanding of his experience as a teenager. Raising teenagers successfully is a challenge and a blessing. It takes hard work and perseverance, but the end result is worth all the effort.

About the Author
Michelle Gonzalez, Sacramento CA United States
michelle@inspiredparent.com
http://www.inspiredparent.com
Michelle Gonzalez is the editor of both www.youthweekly.com and www.inspiredparent.com . A mother of three, she enjoys writing articles as well as poems and stories in her spare time. Her passions around children's literacy and good parenting led her to create her two successful ezines.