Theories suggest that the Black population in America suffers a lack of Black men, better described in the circle of single Black females as a shortage of good Black men. To address the theory directly, there is no real shortage of Black men, just a shortage of the marrying kind as defined by today's woman.

Black men are born everyday just like Black women. The problem is Black men are tied up in the justice system or considered unemployable to corporate America, thus lessening their mainstream worth. Also contributing to this suggested shortage is the fact that Black men have been labeled as deadbeat fathers so Black women now come to expect a datable man to someday become unfaithful.

The crisis is reaction to an action. Black men end up leaving their families or neglecting their responsibilities more often because is has come to be expected of them.

So, what do you tell your daughter at age 13 about finding a good man? How does a mother, or father, define a good Black man in today's society?

Tell your daughter that there is hope. There are many Black men willing to support their families and care for their woman, however, this willingness has become dependant on a woman's expectation and definition of a man.

If a woman is looking for an educated man, there are many, but according to recent college enrollment stats, not as many as college educated women. However, educated does not necessarily mean good. If the woman is looking for a man with certain physical features, there are many of them also: Black men come in all shapes and sizes, but looks are deceiving.

If a woman is looking for a man who has the Bling, drives the Benz, or walks in Stacy's, there are thousands of them also, but substance soon fades. So depending on what a woman defines as a man would determine whether or not she would find a man for whatever purpose she needs him.

If a woman is seeking a lifetime of love and marriage, then she must understand what a man expects in a woman and what she has to give in return. She cannot allow mainstream stereotypes to dictate what she considers a man to be.

Many women turn down what they consider "geeky" men because he is not cool enough or has the rap and gangster style. When they base their choices on this type character, they will usually end up choosing from the dog-pile. If a woman is chaste enough, however, to get interested in a man who has character based on values, then she has a better chance of finding love.

A woman can find a man if she knows what she needs. If she does not know, then she will never find that man. Parents must explain to their children that character defines a person, not what they wear, drive, or the titles behind their names. Furthermore, if a parent lives this life before their children, this is what that child will grow to expect.

© 2005 by CR Hamilton