It may be cute when your 4 year old son calls his little sister a bitch or when he turns up a bottle of beer from the coffee table, and it may be cool for your son to win his first fight in school or when he defends himself by bloodying some other little punk's lip, but never think these acts of "coolness" is beneficial for your child, in fact, they are leading in the direction of thug Ville.

Most fathers think that teaching their son to "be hard" in a world they suppose demands hardness is the first chapter in the making of an American thug. This "hard" image will become imbedded in the child's mind, which will leave little room for true development such as the importance of knowledge, dignity, and compassion. When the child goes into middle school, where their personality is formed by peer pressure, if they think that "hardness" is the way and have no understanding of the other characteristics, they will surely be disillusioned about life from the get.

They will see the virtues of education and positive social development as wimpy and even as "white thinking" and the chance of re-educating them to the rules of real life is all but lost. By that time young men believe that rapping, sports, and manipulating women is the only key to success, especially for a Black man. Their respect for women will suffer as well as their respect for authority. Any dreams or hopes for their future will be far fetched because they have totally missed the point.

The best way to avoid raising a child thug is to raise a brainchild or "nerd" [so-called] from the start. Teach your son that fighting is an option and not a necessity. Teach your son that drinking, smoking, cursing and listening to and watching music videos is for people who have no other interest but to be entertained. Teach your son to create, initiate, and lead, not to imitate, emulate, or follow. Teach your son that appearance is not as important as dignity, which will teach them not spend frivolously on the expensive lifestyle but to be discrete and not care what people say about them.

These tactics are not proven but they will help in developing a better child than what is walking the streets and crowding the jails. The way to turn this effort into an almost definite one is to practice what you teach. A father who thinks it is cute to call a woman a bitch and who makes drinking a daily leisure activity and who lives in the material world will most likely stare into the mirror when they look their teenage son in the face. Do not make your son into what you are if you are not what you want to be, make your son into what you know you could never be.

© 2003 by C.R. Hamilton