In most divorces, anything relative to property, child visitation, child support, alimony, is usually handled in one court. Although they should be easier to handle in court after the divorce, it suddenly becomes complicated. For instance, if the woman decide to not allow him to see his children, he gets a double whammy because it's determined that visitation and child support are separate issues.

Of course, the financial care of children is important, but his relationship with them should be respected also. But what it does is create a scenario of hatred and dislike between adults that often affect the children. Most of all, there's no mandatory punishment for her disregard of the court order that gave him visitation rights, especially if again a restraining order becomes his obstacle.

And regardless if he can afford the monies determined by the court for child support, if he challenges the court, or falls short of the order, he can be jailed. So the court's lack of concern often helps to contribute to the long term problems.

So let us move on. Black women may be stopped by the police occasionally, but are they stopped as indiscriminately as black men? So what should be the concern here? The police stopping black drivers more often than most others or what gender of black drivers are stopped the most. Would it be fair to believe black women have less involvement in criminal activity than black men? Of course, it is assumed to be true because many situations where women were caught committing crimes with men, they were released or received less punishment because they were allegedly coerced.

Wouldn't Patty Hearst's release from prison in 1979, after her involvement with the Symboinese Liberation Army be a good example of this? Even women using drugs are sometimes believed to have been encouraged or forced upon them by men. And women who believe this is some kind of feminine bashing may not care or understand what "equal under the law", should mean.

Looking back at the many situations involving white's indiscretions upon blacks, where many never received any penalty, it left the black community in anger, yet we are sometimes guilty of doing the same to each other expecting to also not be punished.

So it should be understood that favor could be different because of who committed the wrong and who is in control. Moving on, it's said the only way to get the best out of someone is to encourage them. But I would also believe this would go well with anyone regardless. What I'm trying to get at now may not require any profound scrutiny, but there should be some concern what affect it has.

Earlier, I tried to show some disparities that exist in the society, in regards to the way they're handled and who's on the receiving end of it, [Unfortunately the gender conflict provokes most of it], and those, usually able to encourage the law in their favor, are the first ones to complain when it reverses itself.

But to believe the moral rule, "to treat other's, the way we expect to be treated", make some people believe it has less meaning when they're applying the pain. When surveys are opened to the public, often the information brought forth can affect the spirit of some individuals, if people are the primary subject matter, but also, if it's directed at a group or individuals of that group.

When blacks hear they are in worse shape then most other people, does this encourage? When black children hear they are at the bottom of the educational ladder, does this show any positive way to improve? When young black men hear they are more criminal and more likely to be murdered at a young age, does this help to determine those who do not fit this profile? When a particular group of black women hear they have more children out of wedlock than women of other races, does this help to start a dialogue to see why? Or could it make them feel they're being singled out, knowing non-black women at similar level of the society also fit that profile.

When black men hear statistics, which say's, black women are smarter and more employable, does it encourage them to find out why? Or could it give them a reason to not try harder? Repetitious yes, but these statistics, which have become nothing more than criticism, are also repetitious.

Criticism is important because it should help to improve something that may be deficient, but when it comes from the outside, it's usually to show why those who use this message board believe they are better. There may not be any law against this, because it is not criminal. But it cannot only be emotionally offensive, but socially degrading, especially if solutions are never given.

So I've concluded it is a standard way of judging, often by those who rarely has to be concerned about statistics or the worse of them becoming public information. But the strange thing is blacks who participate in them sometimes become overly opinionated about other blacks.

But most of all, it keeps those who are deprived in an endless mode, trying to keep up. But let us step away from this a moment to show other irrational behaviors under the law.

When black men have accumulated some success, you see many come under the gun with accusations of alleged sexual misconduct. To not relieve any of them who may be guilty, the double standard is right there in front of us every time we watch television. "How to become a porn star or "college girls gone wild", etc.

To be fair, should this provoke bad behavior in these men, of course not, but it may suggest opportunity for some women because of its notoriety and open the door for others to do it. Unfortunately, because of who's often at the center of it, the outcome gets more concern than getting at the truth.

Moving on, it may bring a chuckle to some people when they hear, "hell has no fury, like a woman scorned". But it may just be an illogical reason to explain why some do the things they do. If I believe a woman, hitting a man is not as serious as he hitting her is, or believes a girl's accusations against a man should be automatically true. I am as wrong as those who condone it.

If stalking is wrong, yet it's believed to be less dangerous because a woman or a kid is doing it, then the law is acting favorably not only because of gender, but also maybe believing the boys infatuation was only puppy love. But theoretically, I believe it is predetermined for those in power to be lax.

Surveys, statistics, unfair legal or prejudicial overtones, usually get concern because it's often directed at groups or individuals of a group. [Unfortunately, the individuals who suffer the most are those who would uplift their group and create a more positive future for the group]. So when we allow the system to punish or mistreat any member of our race unfairly, for personal gains, or our predetermined intentions, we are as guilty as those who do it, knowing who's going to suffer the most.

Although most of these transgressions are really moral and ethically wrong, there's a definite reason for them happening. When one group has power over another group, they will often relax the law enough to allow certain individuals of that group to have certain advantages and liberties, so it can create dissension amongst that group.

Being less concerned about the turmoil within, there's no reason to believe they will compromise their differences long enough to plan to overthrow the bigger group. So it becomes a less obvious way to keep eye on what's going on without constant scrutiny.

Occasionally some are, able to avoid these situations, entirely, but it's allowed. Usually, this privilege is granted to those who are willing to compromise their ethnic integrity or say illogical things to disrupt the social unity of the group. Some of these things may also occur within the social structure of the ruling class, but they sometimes get less publicity and are usually solved civilly or behind closed doors.

But those at the top who control the police, courts, social agencies, operate as one and the rule of thumb is to follow the rule, do what is necessary to maintain order, but do not do anything that would focus on them. If they fall short and something goes wrong, they will often be sacrificed to show the others what could happen.

© 2004 By Thomas Duffy
Afromerica staff writer

Brother Thomas Duffy will be keeping the Black community updated on the most current Black expereinces effecting our lives. Visit regularly for new information that could help you overcome and make the best of your everyday experiences.

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