I took a special interest in an article written by someone I felt could be more perceptive than some blacks are about the subject. Although I said [some blacks], there's probably more, although it wasn't something new we we're dealing with.

I also felt it could be a good time to express my own feelings about it. But most so, because what I believe set it all in motion was spoken about it briefly. As I read further, it was difficult to see any measure of personal assumptions over fact.

Although the article wasn't directed primarily at the female's position in the black family, it was my decision to try to reassess her importance, to see if she has helped or impaired that union. Oddly it became more important, after remembering my own mother's choice to share that position, which proved to reduce the chance of my siblings and me becoming statistics.

Instead of starting by blaming whites - already knowing how they finagled and interfered with our lives to keep us on the outs with each other - I chose to dig within our own basket of the [unsolved] to pull out an issue some blacks aren't cognizant of, or choose to push aside, regardless who heads the family, either from circumstances or choice.

Unless there's some consideration and sharing for all under their care, that position could be considered sanctimonious and destructive. Even if you're older and pressured to never question it. Yielding to their methods could jeopardize many things; besides allow more negatives over a period of time to harden others in that unit. [The article "The black family, 40 years of lies," Kay S. Hymowitz, city journal summer 2005].

I felt the writer revealed something that may have also been minimized by blacks for decades. Quote; "The matriarchal family, had the effect of abandoning men, leaving them adrift and alienated". I must stress, that wasn't a lead in for the article, or the primary concern.

But like many harmful things still hovering over this situation that have prevented many black families from recovering, it was to show an obvious thing - I believe blacks rarely choose to link - that may have lead to it. Without argument, the outcome of most things has to have a cause to get any effect.

So since the most serious criticism is often directed at our children, just looking at that scenario, most can't be held totally accountable. Since we must also consider what or may not have occurred that sour their motivation. Today, situations that put women in these roles have to forgo criticism in many cases.

But if there's little or no upturn, since opportunity for blacks seems to be more obtainable today, we should honestly examine why we shouldn't believe a more traditional family setting wouldn't be a better way. What do I mean by traditional?

Usually, if something important has to be done and it's handled in a straightforward way, it seems to flow that way.

On the other hand, when we use abstract methods often expecting similar results from our efforts, it sometimes ends up falling-short before we get it right. I already admitted, women in these roles today may be gratifying and appropriate.

But without showing bias in many past situations these roles were annexed for conditions that were believed to be self-serving and damaging. Unfortunately, welfare was that starting point for many.

So the unspoken reason she's still there for decades, have gotten little argument and somehow accepted to be what's normal for the black family, since the fact still remains, men in many situations were extricated from the family.

The structure of some black families could be assessed as unsuitable. This leads me to believe it resulted from atypical concerns. We all have needs and most women will be concerned about who can, or will supply the things they're looking for.

This mind-set for some, has nothing to do with supporting or teaching those who's under their care. It's more like speculating and planning for the day of their retirement, if the crucial elements of a family are children, because they usually are expected to exhibit the quality and character of that family.

Just from general scrutiny today, my speculation is close to being accurate. We already know men or fathers have been removed for decades; that's a minus. On the other end, young black girls who should have got a little more attention - since many are showing some of the same characteristics of their custodian - it may question our optimism about any chance of restoration. Then include young black boys whose destiny is usually already set in stone. The family unit would already have three strikes against them.

Blacks with doubts, but living within the premise of this dilemma, may not be aware of the difficulty triumphing over this, especially if you add the times they may also be dealing with unclear characteristics and attitudes from the guardian.

Considering the level of responsibility to maintain a family today, which has shown to need both parents and sometimes older children at home working, many times when there's only one parent and they're having difficulty providing for themselves, any anxiety regarding it can override their responsibility to inspire other's under their care. It's usually confusing and difficult for some who's living in the middle of this.

But being in an indistinct or vulnerable family situation can restrain motivation and cause some to act impulsive towards destructive conclusions, which would be similar to the carnivores' method of separating the most at risk to devour.

But in reality, it only prolongs problems that usually affect those who are young, or not able to provide what they need to separate themselves from it. So this often causes the cycle to continue.

© June 2007 By Thomas Duffy
Afromerica staff writer

Brother Thomas Duffy will be keeping the Black community updated on the most current Black expereinces effecting our lives. Visit regularly for new information that could help you overcome and make the best of your everyday experiences.

To subscribe to Duffy's column join the Afromerica email list to receive new information as it is updated. Or E-mail T Duffy at: tduffy870@msn.com or tomas@afromerica.com

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