Maybe I should have listened to my runnin partner Truck from college who warned me against dating women under 30, but since I was under 30 myself at the time I really wasn't trying to hear the cat.

But for some reason his theory has stuck with me throughout all these years and the date with Randi pretty much confirmed his theory not to mention the several years of working with singles, couples and giving advice and consultation to mostly women. Looking around now I see many women in their 30's and older who are single, divorced and some bitter, with few prospects to find a loving relationship with a healthy well adjusted man.

Such being the case I have come to some conclusions about the utter importance of dating well while in your 20's, now ladies please pay close attention. Now this is not to say that by 30 things suddenly change but 20-30 are VERY important years in a woman's life as well as a man's. There are MANY things you need to realize if you don't want to become a relationship statistic... here are the top ten things, not any in particular order but aall-important

1) You aint ready! Unless you have gone through a serious rites of passage while growing from girl to woman and/or have been counseled, witnessed a healthy relationship between your parents, relatives and or friends, have and read have relevant books on dating, relationships and love and no matter how 'educated' you are, no matter how cute you have been told you are, no matter how 'ready' you THINK you are chances are you are NOT ready for a relationship much less even dating.

There are no islands in this culture and we are all drowning in this sea called the MATRIX where fear is posited as love and illusion is called truth. Look around and check the state of marriage and relationships in this country should you need further proof.

2) You have the power! No matter how a is looks or talks YOU have the first right of refusal ladies! Choose better! All that glitters is NOT gold. Or platinum either! Remember this: No matter what a woman chooses a man even though men step to women a woman has the power in who's hooking up and who is NOT. That's a beautiful and powerful thing.

3) Silly choices-If you choose a man based on how tall he is, or how much money he makes, quite often you will get just that, his height and maybe some of his money but will you have a 'whole' man or a relationship? Hardly, character and shared values are still key to a healthy relationship and even successful dating. This point seems like 'common' sense but there are some women who won't even date a man who's a certain height or if he makes a certain amount of money. Even though may be 5'1 and he's 5'9 or he makes 30, 000 and she's in 'school' making none. What kind of foolishness is that?

4) Nerds vs. Thugs-It's so funny how women think that that guy who was 'corny' and/or 'nerdy' in while your 20's is now the 'one who got away' in your 30's and 40's. Many of these same women who also like a man with a 'lil' thug in em will one day regret making that choice. Sooner or later the 'thug' will go upside your head or do some dumb ish that lands him in jail or another woman's or better yet hood rats' bed, all because he keeps it 'real'. REAL DUMB that is! . *smh*

5) High School/College Sweetheart Syndrome-I can NOT tell you how many young females choose to go on and marry or long term date their 'first' boyfriends .In today's world and this culture this 'union' NEVER lasts long, 3-4 kids and a divorce late into your 20's will show that he like you was NOT ready or even aware what a healthy relationship is ((see the first point))

6) Beauty Fades! - Yes 'sweety' even though all the men (and some women) may be at your beck and call now, you wont be firm and fine ' FOREVER 'the offers won't keep 'pouring' in forever either so don't let the 'hype' fool ya! No matter how 'tight' you may keep it, a QUALITY man will seek a woman with more than looks goin on and as youth fades only a evolving and healthy relationship won't.

7) The Power of your choices-See point 2 "The choices you make in your 20's will have a SERIOUS impact on you in the future to find a good man in the LONG-TERM you need to be equipped see list of books below to begin that process.

8) Go to church-If you want to see what 'could' be you in 20-30 years go to church check out all the single older black women there. If they ever got married their mates are usually long gone due to a variety of reasons, could be that he has died, or they were divorced or maybe not even share the value that GOD is the center of many a HEALTHY relationship. Make the connection young sistas Choose HEALTHY!

9) Character and Values over Chemistry and Personality- Or maybe I should say without the sharing of values and a man with a poor character can NOT offer you a HEALTHY long lasting relationship. Cats with personality and no character initially will show you their 'representative' ¦but when that fades away (usually after sexual contact is made) so will the chemistry. Remember this: there are some men who work at love to get sex and there are women who give sex based on the thought they are getting love, speaking of which see the next IMPORTANT point.

10) No MORE sheets! -This title is taken from a popular book by Juanita Bynum- which states in part when a woman has sex with a man she receives all his joys AND pain his whole life in a sense or in other words when sex is involved no matter how casual you may think the more you do it the deeper the attachment will be developed and many times this is taken as love and many a mistake is made when love is mixed up with sex.... as MANY of us older folk well know.

© SUMUMBA SOBUKWE 2006

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Here's a brief but EFFECTIVE list of books that I HIGHLY recommend:

One Day My Soul Opened Up-By Iyanla Vanzant
The Four Agreements-By don Miguel Ruiz
The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukov
An Afrocentric Guide to a Spiritual Union by Ra Amen Un Nefer

These books will get you started off on the right course not just about relationships but life and the relationship of the most vital importance the one with yourself!

If you want more specialized services I also provide consultation around both dating and life issues just click the link: http://www.themaatseries.com/photo5.html

NAMASTE

© Feburay 2006 By Afromerica

Brother Sumumba Sobukwe will be keeping the Black community updated on the state of Black relationships. Visit his advice column regularly for new information that could help you overcome and understand the other side.

To subscribe to Sobukwe's column join the Afromerica email list to receive new information as it is updated. Or E-mail Sobukwe at: themaat.series@verizon.net

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