There are many ways to interpret this title. Black relationships are black and ugly because of the high divorce rate among African Americans. The high cases of AIDS reported from Black women who contacted the disease from their Black husbands/significant others who are bisexual or as it's termed in the new millenium, on the down low, or simply the large number of African American males and females with HIV and AIDS.

But let's go way back, decades ago when the African America woman was literally black skinned and ugly. Her future would generally predicted to be unmarried and working, why, because Black men had been mind conditioned to believe if you black get back, brown stick around, in other words the closer your complexion was to white the better you were.

So the lighter skinned women were often the ones chosen by our men to want and to marry.

The term paper sack brown, (which I am) Black history tells, that in order to enter certain Black functions, a paper sack was put up to your arm and if you were darker you were not permitted to enter.

Unfortunately, African Americans hardly ever discuss the prejudice we place on our own selves within the Black community.

Even in Hollywood today, it's known that lighter complexion African American women are often chosen for parts over darker complexion ones.

Back to the point, now in 2004, the cry is that there aren't enough free, single, quality African American men to go around. Our men are a 1/3 issue; 1/3 incarcerated, 1/3 gay/bisexual, 1/3 on drugs (not to mention the homeless/ derelicts) my view, all by design. However experience has shown me that there are good available African American men out here. The issue is as Lela Rochon stated in "Waiting to Exhale"; "They're ugly". She even said it twice. They are literally black and ugly.

Chris Rock, who rocks! Made a joke in his tour here in Atlanta, that the reason why some relationships aren't happy is because "you weren't her first choice, she's thinking, how did I end up with this ugly________. He didn't mention complexion.

Just in case you're wondering why I'm writing on this subject, because as a paper sack brown African American woman, I remember not being chosen for the majorettes (and because my hair wasn't long) and other school activities. My senior year in high school we finally elected a queen who was not light skinned, a first.

As I entered the work world and began hanging out with my other brown skinned girlfriends, I was literally pushed to the side by my brothers making their way to ask a lighter skinned sister to dance.

But now the tables have turned, African American women are educated, have good jobs, independent women and some are materialistic and they don't want a black ugly man, maybe DMX black, but certainly not black and ugly.

So men are out here, single and free, some whose relationships didn't last, and now they are paying child support for one or more children, perhaps that was the woman's plan from the start.

Well, why and I writing this article? I got issues, not milk! It's to reveal, what goes around comes around, and of course there are exceptions to every rule, some black and ugly Black men aren't married or in a relationship because they choose not to be, but many aren't because they aren't chosen to be.

Unlike years ago when a Black woman had to chose a black ugly man for security or materialism, not so today, today, we can chose White (but that's another article, divide and conquer still works).

It's not the black and ugly man's fault that he no longer can chose the most of what was considered beautiful woman in our race to have on his arm like some type of trophy, just like it wasn't the black and ugly woman's fault that she had to be standing at the bus stop waiting to go to work while her light skinned sister was "sat down".

The bottom line is the whole situation is black and ugly. So until we within our own race can judge a person by the content of his/her character and not the color of their skin (or financial status) then our relationship situation will remain Black and Ugly.

E. Lee Sullivan is a freelance writer and spiritual life coach living in Atlanta, GA, contact Lee at leesullivan2004@yahoo.com

© 2004 By Afromerica

Ms. E. Lee Sullivan will be keeping the Black community updated on the most current social issues effecting our lives. Visit regularly for new information that could help you pursue a more positive lifestyle.

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Afromerica: Where its all Black & white and some gray areas.

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