In the Bible, there's a story about two women's dispute over a child. The women and the child in question are brought before the King who makes an unthinkable decision - split the baby in half by sword and give one half to each woman! One woman immediately speaks saying, "no, let the baby go with the other woman so the baby may live. "

It is her act of selfless love, her willingness to give up the baby she loves so the baby can live that proves her to be, whether she is actually the baby's biological mother or not, the true mother of the child, and the King returns the baby to her who was willing to give the baby up to save its life. This story is found in the 1 Kings, chapter 3 verses 16-28.

I was often confused by this story, and until recent events over the last 5 years or so could not appreciate its wisdom. But when I look at it in light of my situation, the situation of millions of fathers across America, I now can comprehend its depth and truth. Everyday, all across this country, men are dragged into hostile courts by bitter, vindictive mothers who, with the aid of a totally blind and unfeeling court system, proceed to rip young lives to shreds.

They say they are behaving "in the best interests of the child(ren)", but this cannot be so. At the end of proceedings that last all of 30 minutes on average, these formulaic processions literally whittle fathers down to a dollar amount and every-other-weekend visitation. The court sessions go something like this:

(Judge) Are you the mother? Yes. Is he the father? Yes. (to the father) Do you work? Yes. How much do you make? @#%@#. Pay her 20% per month. She gets the kids; you can see them every other weekend. Any Questions? (mother) No. (father) Yes, I… (Judge) Good, get out. Next!

Mothers walk away with a court order that most have no intention of following except those parts that benefit them, totally ignoring the needs of the child, or the importance of the man who helped make the child. And the father is left devastated. Stripped of his dignity, and the ability to significantly influence the lives of his child(ren), or build any meaningful relationship.

Today's version of the old Bible story has but one change. Replace the woman who spoke up to spare the child's life with today's father, for it is he who tries to save the life of the child by bowing out and away from the unquenchable hatred women, more often that not black women, seem able to carry forever. When a father walks away today, his saving power goes beyond that of the original woman in the story. He saves two lives, his and his child's. Yet, he must live for up to 18 years under the direct thumb of an evil justice system, and its empowered minions, black mothers who are detached from reality.

So often I hear mothers say, "This is my child", as if they created this child all on their own with no help from the father. The idea that black women have of, "I don't need a man", speaks to the fact that they prefer a master, the judge in the court room who is more often than not white and male, to look to their needs and play to their desires. Is it any wonder that the young males these women pervert and twist with their hate so often return to face their masters in criminal courts? Sometimes they don't make it to the courts at all. Many are shot dead or beaten to death by the new, sophisticated, state-empowered overseer - the white police officer, and never have a chance to have their cases that they have "caught" heard by a jury.

For so long, so many young men have gone into the grave prematurely. So many millions more have gone into the penal system to be made jailhouse bitches that carry disease and perversion back to the very homes where they come from, only to contaminate other women and created more tainted children. Or, hardened criminals who have their eyes seared out with the hot iron of subjugation emerge from prison blind, unable to see not only the light at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel itself.

Truth is, the insidious hatred of the mothers, coupled with the obtuseness of the courts plant seeds of hatred in the children so they too despise their fathers. And when young men wearing blue or red, brandish weapons and fire hot slugs into the bodies of other young black men, it is out of the hatred they have been taught to have for their fathers. And each day when they look into the mirror they see their father's faces because they are their father's sons, and this hatred turns inward and they destroy themselves by killing each other.

The young girls, taught to hate their fathers bear the same level of contempt for the young black men they encounter. They size these men up, selecting mates based on shallow characteristics that make it easy to deposit their contempt into them, and also infect the children they will conceive and birth. The cycle continues, and it is vicious above all else.

Recently, I heard a story on the radio about a black father who spent well over $15000 to enforce his visitation rights with his daughter. This on top of the hundreds of dollars in child support he pays each month. Men must live with the black cloud of jail time for failing to pay child support, while women face no penalty for refusing to obey the court order and allow the child(ren) access to their fathers.

There is no equal protection under these laws for fathers, black, white, brown, or otherwise. According to the US Constitution, we are supposed to have equal protection under the law. The courts and court orders rendered are supposed to be "in the best interest of the child(ren)", but this is not so by any means. Yet fathers bear all the blame when children fall into destruction, despite the fact their fathers have less ability to prevent these trends toward destruction than anyone involved! Mothers can get almost any attorney to take their cases pro-bono when child support is involved. But fathers often go broke just trying to be heard in court.

I recently regained custody of my 14 year old son in August 2005, after he spent four years with his mom, suffering from failing grades (being held back once) due to her neglect, being beaten by his step-dad, and mistreated by his mother's subsequent boyfriends. My son and I were just lucky, that's all. There was no system in place designed to protect my rights or look to the best interest of my son. I was just plain lucky.

I had been back to court no less than once a year trying to get my son back, and I finally succeeded no thanks to the system. I say again, there is no equal protection under the law for fathers, especially black fathers who are financially less able to wage a court battle. We give up our children because we don't want to see them torn apart by custody battles, but the court (today's King) does not take our sacrifices into consideration, nor hear the love and compassion in our voices.

Often, many mothers don't even want their grown children to have contact with their fathers. Imagine, even after 18 or 20 years, they still refuse to give their consent to the children to have any type of meaningful relationship with their fathers. This is crazy. It is a level of hate that surpasses all rationale. In my opinion, it is insanity. Because the mother raged so fiercely against the father for so long, the father could not even see his child(ren) as they grew up. And, still unabated after all the years that even once the child reaches adulthood and can decide for themselves to get to know their father, many mothers refuse to allow it, even to the point of threatening to not speak with their own child if the child seeks to reconcile with his/her father. This proves once and for all that neither for the mother nor the courts was it ever about the child, but it was all done to serve their conspiracy to destroy the father in favor of serving the master.

Fathers need equal protection under the law for the children's sake. This change would then make "the best interest of the child(ren)" paramount in every case. Courts must begin to take into consideration that for a child to grow and be a healthy person it must have the appropriate amount of time from each parent. Court orders must be drafted so that fathers can have equal amounts of custody in years with their children. Especially, fathers should be granted full custody of their sons no later than 12 years and as early as 10. That old excuse that many fathers don't want their kids is false. Millions do, but they know the system's operations far too well either from personal experience, or from experiences of family or friends who have been victimized by it, so they back out. It is time to recognize that fathers love their children too!

© March 2006 By Afromerica

Brother Dan Hardman will be keeping the Black community informed on issues concerning the church and righteous living. Visit regularly for new information that could help you overcome and make the best of your everyday experiences.

To subscribe to Hardman's column join the Afromerica email list to receive new information as it is updated. Or E-mail D Hardman at: essaysfromchurch@edincorporated.com

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